Disappointments

Funny thing, I have always been the one to give great pep talks.

After countless times of reading The Secret, I have perfected my vision of how to handle life-changing situations, to "dig deep" and to "visualize". I never wanted to be a child; I couldn't wait to grew up and becoame a responsible adult.

The thought of people treating me like a normal human being, taking my opinions into consideration and fending for myself. Wow! That would be super cool!! 

Up until today, I thought I would always keep up to my sparkly views to the very last moment and enjoy all the corners of being old'er'. 

Well guess what? I just wished for it all to go away.

To think that all I hoped for was freedom. Oh how an innocent little bird I was! What am I supposed to do with all of it? I spend half of my days off doing absolutely nothing. The other half doing things that are not going to benefit anyone in any way. 

Aaaand that huge monster of...

*drum roll* 

Rejection!

Funny thing, I have always been the positive one.

It keeps biting huge chunks of flesh, leaving me a pile of bleeding tissue that I'm hard to be recognized anymore...

My perception of an ideal life did not come with a manual of how to avoid breaking down in tears every time life fails me and shows me that everything I ever learnt was a bitter twisted lie. School never seemed so useless for not teaching me how to GPS my way out of trouble and find a new route towards my destination.

My beliefs are slowly abandoning me with my darker self. We all have a psychopath beneath our beautiful shiny skin, but we keep it dozed off in a coma under the impression of sane behavior.

Mine is exceptionally ugly, and I'm starting to wear it on my face more often.   

No, seriously, people are getting scared.

A great teacher once told me that a writer's misfortune is their readers great fortune. Since you can only be inspired to write passionately only if you were faced with emotionally shattering situations that alter your comprehension each step of the way. 

I would like to tell that teacher that words are so very easy, dear.

Funny thing is, I have never belonged.

"Ughh, life is so hardddddddddddddddd" I exclamed out loud to a friend who had faced similar devastating experiences.

"You're a spoiled little brat who can't handle being told no." she said as a matter of fact, "People are out on the streets shivering without a warm breakfast to wake up to and you're sitting here being your spoiled self while everyone is trying to cheer you up." then her attack was sealed with, "You should be ashamed."

Offended, I tried to defend myself, "Every individual has their own kind of problems and aspirations, you can't just compare a fish to a bird!!"

My psychopath awoke and screamed "Hurt her!! Say something rude!! Aim at her heart!! Kill her!!"

I was just about to let the beast take over, when I noticed that the friend I am talking to is the same monster; dressed in finer clothed, hiding behind a prettier face that resembled mine.

My reflection spoke in a calmer tone this time, "Either you drown in your tears or you get over it. Your move." 

Then her feathery wings fluttered and she ascended into the clouds where she observed me hopefully. 

Psychopath was not happy. Flustered, he threw his hands in the air while muttering angrily words that I could not understand except a few I caught; 'no', 'tears will help', 'life is sad' and the one that frightened me the most... 

'end your life here and now'

Funny thing is, I haven't even lived yet.

Misfortunate Fairytales

Boohoo

If a tear could wash away the past
I'd cry an ocean

If time would be altered
I'd reconsider

But misfortune and sorrow
are not avoidable

For I must sin and suffer
to become immortal

It is a proven fact that no matter how you plan something, it will never reach the painted perfection. It will always be, even if not much, disappointing. Simply because reality loves to put its players under constant pressure of bursting into nothingness but despair and hopelessness; somehow trapping us in a glass container with only one bottle to free us. 

One bottle filled with surrender.

Surrendering your big dreams and wildest fantasies of ever merging with the cruel reality. 

So you have either one of the two choices:

1. Drink the bottle, surrender to the sweet seductive demon of true known facts. 
Go to work in a cubicle, make your way to the top of the social ladder, find a beautiful partner to share your problems with, have kids and settle down. 
Try to forget about becoming a rock-star, who is Freddy Mercury anyway but a cliche gay who got himself AIDS and died? But keep holding on to it, maybe one day it will visit your door and claim you as its master. Chase that faint spark, don't let it fade, read books about motivation and re-read The Secret for the millionth time. 
But do not ever give up on what you have always wanted just because you drank from the nectar of bitter truth.
No, you cannot change the past. Nothing could ever change what has already happened. Believe that all you can do is try to understand that no matter how many times you have fallen down, you can always pick yourself up and start over. 
Don't shy away from disappointments and rejections because they mold you into a better stronger person!
Live your life as if it's the last day you have on Earth.

2. Lie down.


Go to sleep.


Get lost in a world of your own imaginative creation where anything is possible. 


The ruler of purple dragons and flaming torches. 


Immortalized in a planet only you can control.


Wake up.


Tell reality to go f*** itself.